On Knowing, Even When You're Unsure
I’ve spent my life unsure of who really sees me. Then, in 48 hours, two people said exactly what I didn’t know I needed to hear.
Welcome to The Pivot. Part journal, part newsletter — where I share what I'm living, learning and questions that I need to ask myself to keep moving forward. It's for those who are feeling the call to make a move, to shift. It's a reminder that we don't have to jump off a cliff — we just need to turn our bodies slightly and start the tiniest pivot. And still, those small movements can be the hardest ones to make.
So I figure I would share my journey so we can do it together. And, if I didn’t mention it before, I'm really glad you're here.
Good morning.
Today, I keep thinking about this thing called knowing.
It’s never been something I’ve been deeply familiar with, because I’m one of those people who are always uncertain, always unsure about the relationships in my life.
I’ve always been a little skeptical about the idea of unconditional love and perseverance. My challenge has been this deep, lingering belief that I’ve never been fully certain the people in my life are there simply because they want to be.
It’s this idea that when I exist as a human being with no frills and everything stripped away, I could never be seen as valuable, as worthy of friendship or companionship.
This week, I had to reckon with that revelation. It’s been heavy, and it refuses to go quietly, no matter how much I try to avoid the thought.
Yet it’s so critical, this reckoning, because our next moves in life need to come from the right place. And for me? I’m tired of shifting just because I believe that what I’ve done so far isn’t enough.
That’s a hard conversation to have with yourself but it’s an important one.
The life we live, the fact that we’ve somehow arrived here, still breathing, still engaging with others on this journey, is nothing short of a miracle.
This week, I had conversations that cracked something open in me.
They reminded me that just by being, I’ve impacted others.
I’ve been so caught up in the idea that our lives are defined by what we do.
But I’m slowly learning that it’s not the doing—it’s the relationships that reveal our mission on this earth.
In less than 48 hours, I got messages from my daughter and my mother that were eerily aligned.
First, my youngest daughter told me, out of nowhere:
“You are a good mom.”
What she said and what my mother told me the very next day shook something loose in me.