The promise after the war.
“i cannot wait for the second coming. her first was a trial enough.” - Lucille Clifton
From The Healing Journal, where I share my most intimate pieces with our paid subscribers.
We reunited last night.
We had been immersed in battle for months until She left me yet again. I could no longer hear Her voice nor feel Her covering. I blamed myself and begged for Her forgiveness, unsure of what I had done yet certain I must have deserved the punishment — to be deserted without warning by the God I loved.
I watched many moons rise. With each arrival of darkness, my rage became louder. I could no longer connect to one who I knew saw my struggle but remained unmoved. I swore I would never return to Her. My legs buckled under her silence, and I remained paralyzed. She was mistaken about the weight she seemed to think I could carry.
“Do you even remember me?” I asked, my voice shaking as I prayed she did not. That must be why she can watch me screaming for deliverance and provide none.