The unsaid names and the unheard stories
“give your daughters difficult names. give your daughters names that command the full use of tongue. my name makes you want to tell me the truth." - Warsan Shire
This is a piece from The Healing Journal, where I share my most intimate pieces with our paid subscribers. I appreciate you for reading and supporting my work as a writer. Each of my writings requires much time and thought, and it feels so validating when you subscribe.
They ask me for something easier or shorter. They ask me to hide myself, to relieve themselves of discomfort.
I said, “No, I have no other names.” I will not dilute the fullness and complexity of my life or the name that immediately determined that it would be so.
In a society that desires efficiency, conformity and ease, names that require effort are not welcome. These names are often harbingers of people who require the same. They make people uncomfortable.
When you see our name, you must stop and digest it. When you hear it, you cannot ignore it. The cacophony of syllables is all-consuming, making some question their intellect and others curse their tongues. In their minds, I’m sure some are silently cursing me as well.
For the Yoruba, from whom my name originates, the rhythm, tone and melody are intentional. For those outside of this culture, my name can cause people to be unsteady and unsure, wondering if I will do the same in their lives.
I will.
“give your daughters difficult names. give your daughters names that command the full use of tongue. my name makes you want to tell me the truth. my name doesn’t allow me to trust anyone that cannot pronounce it right.”
―Warsan Shire
I always remember the people who have no interest in getting my name right. I make huge assumptions about their character, their values and even their commitment to justice. Is this judgemental? Of course, it is. But too often, I’m right.
Why look at all the letters in her name? It’s not worth the time. Why ask her how to pronounce it if I’m unsure how? She’s not worth the time.
Names are the first sign of our personhood. They have value, meaning and importance, just like the person who carries them. They are rich with stories waiting to be told.