This is what we do when everything is uncertain
Reimagining our future is always terrifying in the moment and always beautiful in the end.
Welcome to The Pivot. Part journal, part newsletter — I’m sharing what I'm living, learning and questioning to keep moving forward. I hope this weekly morning note is a reminder that we don't have to jump off a cliff — we just need to start the tiniest pivot. And still, those small movements can be the hardest ones to make.
So I figured we can shift together. And, just in case I didn’t mention it before, I'm really glad you're here.
Good morning.
Recently, I had a phone conversation with a dear friend. After we both apologized for not keeping in touch, we went on to share the struggles that each of us had experienced over the last few months. After recounting our stories, silence filled the air as we tried to put together words to soothe and support each other. We intended to provide a solution for each other-- to be a remedy to the pain. As her friend, I wanted to help her carry the load or minimize the heaviness, but I felt my words were insufficient.
However, when I shared what I had kept silent for so long, I immediately felt changed before she even spoke. Yes, her words were helpful ,but I realized that the most powerful part of our exchange was not the responses we assembled but the release we allowed in that space.
As women, many of the things that we carry as women have been with us for a long time. For centuries, we have been caricatured to be the “weaker sex” in need of saving and easily overwhelmed, while we are the ones who literally create this world and keep it together. To avoid judgment, we keep our burdens and pain hidden not only because of shame or fear, but for tangible consequences- like losing our livelihood, our children, our homes and even our autonomy.
The secrets are held close to our chest and over time, we get accustomed to the weight, no longer aware of how our back bends and how our knees buckle, because at least we are still moving.
Until we finally fall.
In times like this, when the foundation that we have built our lives upon becomes shaky, we find ourselves unable to climb the mountains in the same way. There is hesitation and uneasiness in our steps. In desperation, we reluctantly lighten our load and what we were so afraid to expose finally comes into the light. Instead of recognizing the fortitude it takes to be vulnerable, we label it as failure and tell ourselves we will never let it happen again.
So, we put on our armor rigid and dependent, trying to guarantee that every decision we make is perfect and nothing will change. We can't conceive of allowing anything to fall again, because we believe we will truly fall apart.
And when, not if, this happens, we do. Because there is no way that we can see structures fall all around us and believe that we will remain untouched by the rubble.
The courage to break, to dismantle and to reimagine our lives, in times like these, is what we are so desperately running from. We must embrace catalytic change, which will push us into choppy waters and force us to choose between drowning or defying logic.
This is how we become the women who we need to be for a time like this. Women who don't stay stagnant and lament what we are losing, but women who rebuild ourselves into the dreams we never thought we would make a reality.
“All that you touch
You Change.
All that you Change
Changes you.
The only lasting truth
is Change.
God
is Change.”
― Octavia E. Butler
So I am asking us to consider doing three things: prepare, protect and pivot.
We prepare through cleansing. We drop the baggage and allow for our bodies to recover. We share our story. We allow our tears to flow. We allow our rage to rain down. And with our wounds open, we are revived and reminded of the past scars that show us we can survive this.
We protect through community. We are seen by those who care for us the most and within that love, they remind us that we are covered. They show us new paths to the future we desire. They provide the levity that will sustain us amid the arduous work of rebuilding.
We pivot through creativity. We must understand that capitalism, patriarchy, white supremacy and imperialism have demanded that we play by rules, that are only enforced for us. And when we “win”, the goalpost shifts. We can choose to continue within this corrupt game and limit ourselves within the confines of what has been designed to keep the power structures in place. We often try to move throughout the cabin without rocking the boat and then wonder why we still feel unsettled.
Or we can disrupt, disturb and dismantle.
We must shift knowing that we will not keep everything we had in the melee but understanding that what we lose brings us closer to freedom. With this, they no longer have power over us. There is no control. This is the destination.
So I ask you now, is that job, relationship or external validation you are so afraid of losing keeping you together or keeping you trapped?
Every move we make in these next months, I want us to ask ourselves —in the words of the great Sonia Sanchez — “but how do it free us?”
We will still be plagued by worry and doubt, but our blood and bones are steady. The ancestral DNA knows these times. This is a new period where we must trust what our bodies tell us before our brain tries to stop us. In this vein, we are doing what many have done before us, as our ancestral poet mother, June Jordan, reminds us —
"Like a lot of Black women, I have always had to invent the power my freedom requires.”
Let the journeys of the past inspire us to be daring and brave enough for the new ones. I can't wait to see where we end up.
And who we become.
Here’s to powerful and purpose-led pivots,
-O
P.S. My phone call with my friend made me realize how critical it is to find dedicated time and space to reflect on next steps without feeling burdened to live up to the expectations of those around us.
I am trying to see how many of you would be open to “Freedom Futuring”, where we come together weekly as a group to get our pivots on paper and hold each other accountable as we reimagine what we want our lives to look like and ensure that we help each other to bring it to life.
If you’re interested, just message me or comment below with the word “Freedom” and I’ll send you more info later this week.
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Freedom