When life breaks us, how do we get well?
“Come celebrate with me that every day something has tried to kill me and has failed.” - Lucille Clifton
This is a piece from The Healing Journal, where I share my most intimate pieces with our paid subscribers. I appreciate you for reading and supporting my work as a writer. Each of my writings requires much time and thought, and it feels so validating when you subscribe.
“I just want to get well.”
That’s what he said to me a few nights ago and I still can’t get the words out of my head. I am not sure why this statement has been so impactful on me but it might be the timing. It has been a difficult couple of months. No, if I’m being honest, it’s been several difficult years.
As I reflect on the challenges, I have come up with many solutions. Unlike him, I have a laundry list of things that I want. However, when I repeated his statement in my head, I finally had clarity. There was no laundry list. My revelation was actually very simple.
I just want to be well, too.
The “he” I am referring to is my father. He is the epitome of a go-with-the-flow kind of person. I envy how intentional he is about being satisfied and how “good enough” is always sufficient for him. He is also a man of few words so when he shares, everyone listens closely.
I shouldn’t be surprised at the simplicity of his statement, as he has been someone I have admired for how uncomplicated and unproblematic his life has been.
Until recently.
Long story short, he immigrated from Nigeria in the 70s, got married fifty years ago , worked at a government job for 35 years, supported his three kids, retired, helped out with his grandkids, made way too many trips to BJ's, and celebrated his 80th birthday in March.
And then, a month later, everything changed. And it was my fault.
Four months later, his current life has become everything he never wanted: complex, chaotic, and uncertain. And as the eldest daughter of the family and the only child living near him, that chaos has also become my own.